Trick-or-Treat Etiquette Guide: don't go to houses with lights off, only take one or two pieces of candy at the door, don't grab a handful

Trick-or-treat etiquette guide: skip houses with the lights off and take only one or two pieces of candy at the door, don't grab a handful

Every Halloween night, the same scene plays out right on time

Kids see a house with especially cool decorations, excitedly run over and ring the doorbell, you follow behind shouting wait a minute, the door opens and a strange older man looks at you both with a confused look, the lights are off, they were not planning to hand out candy at all

Or the even more awkward version: kids see a bowl of candy left at the door, reach in and grab a big handful to stuff into their bucket, you are too late to stop them, and the homeowner sees everything through the window

Trick-or-treat looks simple, but it is actually a complete set of community social etiquette, do it well and neighbors will greet you with a smile next year, mess it up and next year they will turn off the lights as soon as they see your kids

Rule number one, and the most important one: if the lights are off, just walk past

This is the only rule everyone follows by default on Halloween night

In the US, a porch light on means we are handing out candy, come knock, a porch light off means we are not participating, please skip our house, this signal is simple and clear, no explanation needed

Some homeowners proactively turn off the porch light when they are not participating or have run out of candy, just to tell kids outside not to knock, some even put a note on the door: No candy this year, sorry

Why you should not knock at a house with the lights off

First, they may not be home, many families go out trick-or-treating with their own kids on Halloween night, so no one is home, you ring the doorbell and it is pointless

Second, they may not want to participate, handing out candy on Halloween is completely voluntary, not an obligation, some people do not like the holiday, some do not feel well that day, some just do not want to open the door to strangers, turning off the lights is how they express not participating, and respecting that signal is basic courtesy

Third, if you knock, both sides feel awkward, the kids run excitedly to the door, the door opens but the person has no candy, the kids are disappointed, the homeowner is awkward, and the parents are embarrassed, a three-way loss

What to do specifically: before you go out, explain this rule clearly to your kids: only knock where the lights are on, walk right past houses with the lights off, we do not ring the doorbell, once kids understand the rule, it is much easier for them to follow than you think, if your kids really want to go to a house with the lights off, you can say: they are not participating today, let us go to the next house and see if there are more fun decorations

One more detail: some houses have the porch light on, but there is a No candy sign at the door, or a do not enter sign in the yard, this is also a clear not participating signal, if you see this kind of sign, skip it too

Rule two: if a candy bowl is left at the door, take one or two pieces, don't grab a handful

On Halloween night there is an increasingly common scene: the homeowner is not standing at the door, but instead leaves a bowl on the porch filled with candy and a note that says take one per person, thank you

The way to handle this situation is simple: take one or two pieces, take from the top, don't dig around

CNN's Halloween etiquette guide puts it bluntly: trick-or-treat only works when everyone follows the rules, if someone leaves a candy bowl at the door, the polite move is to take just one or two pieces so kids behind you also have candy to take

In Minnesota, etiquette expert Nicki Black was asked in an interview if you can take more when there's no note next to the candy bowl, her answer was: one or two pieces is a better baseline, not a handful, there are other kids coming behind you and you have to make sure they have candy too, she added: take one from the top, don't dig through the whole bowl to find your favorite one

Why digging through the bowl is especially annoying: you stick your hand in, rummage around, pick out chocolate and good brands, while kids behind you just stand there waiting, if the homeowner sees this through the window, chances are they won't put out a bowl next year, and Halloween night candy is for everyone, if you take an extra handful, kids behind you have one less choice

There's a very practical family training method: practice once at home ahead of time, put a bowl of candy on the table, have your kid walk over, say Trick or treat, then take one piece, and say thank you, practice twice, and on the night itself your kid won't need reminding

Rule three: go to the right place at the right time

Trick-or-treat has a time window, go too early, people aren't ready yet, go too late, they've already packed up

Most neighborhoods default to trick-or-treat from 6 pm to 8 pm, a FiveThirtyEight survey shows 6 pm to 9 pm is the window most people consider appropriate, but etiquette experts are more conservative: between 8 pm and 9 pm, homeowners should turn off the porch light to signal the night is over

Why not go too early: ring the doorbell at 3 pm, the homeowner might still be cooking, still decorating, or not even home yet, when you knock, they run out from the kitchen with flour still on their hands, and it's awkward for both sides

Why not go too late: if you're still out after 9 pm, most families have already turned off their lights, every door you knock on is a disturbance, and after 9 pm, a person dressed like a ghost walking down the street, neighbors don't see a cute kid, they see what is going on

What to do specifically: if your kids are young, you can head out earlier, start between 5:30 pm and 6 pm, walk for an hour and call it done, if your kids are older, you can head out between 6:30 pm and 7 pm, and get home around 8:30 pm, the key is to set an end time and tell your kids when it's time, we go home, no matter how full the bucket is

Rule four: teal pumpkins, when you see one, know what it means

There's one color you must know on Halloween night: teal

A house with a teal pumpkin at the door, or a teal pumpkin sign posted, means this family offers non-food alternative treats, stickers, small toys, glow bracelets, pencils, specifically for kids with food allergies

Nearly 6 million kids in the US have food allergies, Halloween night is one of the most anxious nights of the year for them, every piece of candy they take means asking can I eat this, and in the end most of the candy goes into the parents' check pile

If your child doesn't have allergies, don't complain when you see a teal pumpkin, asking why it isn't candy, the homeowner did extra work and prepared alternatives, this is inclusion, not being stingy, and small non-food gifts are no less appealing to kids than candy, a glow bracelet can be worn all night, a piece of candy is gone in three seconds

If you are willing to be that teal pumpkin neighbor, buy a teal pumpkin or spray a regular pumpkin with teal paint, prepare two bowls, one with candy and one with small non-food gifts, keep the two bowls completely separate to avoid cross-contamination, FARE (Food Allergy Research & Education) has free printable signs you can download

The fifth point, other etiquette rules that are easy to overlook

Don't step on the lawn, walk on the sidewalk and driveway, etiquette expert Nicki Black said, I strongly suggest kids walk on driveways and sidewalks, not run across lawns or cut through flower beds, you might step on someone's carefully tended plants

Don't touch other people's decoration, jack-o'-lantern, skeleton, spider web, inflatable ghost, you can look but don't touch, the homeowner spent tens or even hundreds of dollars setting things up, it's not for your kids to take apart

Line up, don't push or crowd, on Halloween night in popular neighborhoods, several groups of kids often crowd the door, one group goes up to knock, the next group waits below the steps, this isn't about being polite, it's basic order

Say thank you when you get candy, this may sound obvious, but every Halloween night some kids take candy and turn and run, Trick or treat and Thank you go together, you can't just shout the first half

Older kids shouldn't grab from younger kids, if you see a little kid drop their candy, help pick it up, this action will make nearby parents silently remember you

Before going out, go over these five sentences with your kids

If you don't want to shout don't run, wait a minute, don't grab so many over and over at Halloween night, spend two minutes before you go out and explain these five sentences clearly to your kids

Only knock where lights are on, walk right past where lights are off

Say thank you when you get candy, take one from the top, don't dig through the bowl

Walk on the sidewalk, don't step on the lawn

If you see a teal pumpkin, you can take one too, that's gifts for kids with allergies

We go home at 8:30, when it's time we leave no matter if the bucket is full or not

When kids understand the rules, following them is easier than you think, and these rules themselves are part of Halloween night, trick-or-treat has lasted so many years not because every kid is well-behaved, but because everyone follows the same set of rules

Don't go to houses with lights off, take only one or two pieces of candy, don't go too early or too late, when you see a teal pumpkin, know what it means

Do these things and your kids will be trick-or-treaters that neighbors will still open the door for next year